


be my mistake

by bshwilde



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), a minor grease reference, calvin and jordan are mentioned, cheating but not on each other, harry and louis are the same age, kinda sad idk, maybe spoilers if you haven't seen it idk, sort of toxic relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:55:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24239890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bshwilde/pseuds/bshwilde
Summary: Inspired by the 1975 song, "Be My Mistake". Listen before and after reading.Harry is lost and Louis is scared.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	be my mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Please note: I do not condone cheating under any circumstances. This story is not meant to glorify infidelity, but to demonstrate the affects of unhealthy relationships on both parties. 
> 
> I missed someone and this happened. Also, I wrote this in like 3 days so It's not gonna be anything amazing.

Harry takes a deep breath before turning around to tip his taxi driver, the older man’s warm smile and nod of thanks helping minimally to soothe his buzzing nerves. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous, after all he was the one who first suggested to Celine that they attend the reunion. But, maybe that’s just the thing; Harry had intended for the two of them to go together. 

These plans became interrupted, however, when Celine got a call two days ago for work. She had spared the details, but for whatever reason, she was in America for the weekend. Harry can’t say that he was surprised when he heard the news, but he was left disappointed all the same. Of course, he couldn’t express this to her because she loves this job, and it’s not like she could’ve necessarily prevented it. She was on route to a big promotion and was trying her best to stay on her boss’ good side. Besides, Harry had no right to complain. His fiancé worked hard, and as she always reassured, they’ll need the money for when they get married and start their lives together. 

So here he was, alone in Manchester, and on the campus of the beloved highschool where the couple first met. And, with one last look at the exterior to his old highschool’s gymnasium, Harry stepped through the open doors and into the brightly light room. There was a banner hanging from the ceiling in the school’s colors, welcoming the returning classmates of years before. His eyes quickly skimmed the crowded room, searching for familiar faces. His search didn't last long however, as he suddenly felt a hand clasp his shoulder and heard a loud voice boom into his ear.

“Harold, mate! Didn’t expect to see you here, lad,” a bubbly irish accent piped.

Harry felt his face break into a smile and his body relax as a cheery, bleached-blonde haired boy appeared in front of him. “Hi, Niall. Good to see you again, yeah?”

Niall let out a loud chuckle in response for reasons unknown to Harry before encompassing both of his old friend’s shoulders in his palms and pulling him into a tight hug. “Good to see ya,” he murmured into Harry’s shoulder, his face squished into him.

Harry was the first to pull back, feeling a little bit like he was being suffocated from how tight his friend was holding him. “What have you been up to? Seems like forever since we caught up.”

“Haha, well you know me. Drinkin’, smokin’, living life while I’m young.” He chirps delightfully, putting his hands on his hips and drawing attention to his colorful attire. He was wearing magenta dress-pants, and a clean black t-shirt tucked into the waistband, his hair gelled and styled. “What about you, though? You still with that girl you were seeing? What was her name, uhhh…” He had a pondering look on his face as he thought, his eyes falling on Harry when he answered his question.

“Celine. Yes, she and I are still together. Recently engaged, in fact.” Harry said rather sheepishly, remembering his old best friend’s reaction when they first began dating. It wasn’t that the Irishman didn’t like her, but the choice left Niall confused. Harry had always talked about finding someone adventurous, and fun-loving, someone to bring out his reckless side. Celine, on the other hand, had dreams of being an entrepreneur and was laser focused on her education. She never wished to go to parties with Harry and his friends, always somehow convincing him to stay and have a night-in with her rather than going out. 

While her stubborn and unwilling nature had sometimes bothered Harry, he fell for her more the more time that they were together. She was ambitious, smart, and determined, and Harry admired that. He was brought out of his thoughts by Niall’s voice, Harry meeting his eyes once again.

“Ah, yes, Celine. Settling down then, huh? Gotta give it to you though mate, wasn’t sure if you two would last. Must’ve really been meant to be then, yeah?”

“Yes, I suppose it was.” He said quietly, slightly put off by Niall’s doubting tone. It’s not like they were incompatible as teenagers, they were just very different. Opposites attract and all that, right?

“So, where is she, is she here with you? Would love to see her again.” Niall suggests to ease the rising tension he feels between them.

“Oh, uhm, no she couldn’t make it unfortunately. Important work trip.” He says with a tight smile, pushing down his own feelings towards her absence.

“Ah, well, that is unfortunate.” Niall says with his eyes directed towards the ground as he scrambles for new conversation. “Wanna go check out the snack bar or-”

“Niall, lad, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” A strong northern accent beams into the air, a boy a couple inches shorter than Niall appearing at his side. “You left me.” The shorter one pouts at him.

“Oh, not to worry Louis boyo.” Niall pats his cheek, “I was just catching up with an old friend of ours.” He says reassuringly, smiling at the boy.

Louis, as Harry now recognizes, averts his eyes to him as his face contorts into one of momentary surprise and then confusion. He studies Harry up and down, as though he’s trying to recall something.

“Louis...Tomlinson?” Harry says awkwardly, the name fully registering in his head when he says it out loud. He then finds himself looking the man across from him down as well, taking note that he looks much the same as he did in highschool. With the exception of his recent neglectance to shave his scruff.

Louis nods in confirmation, a small, unsure smile forming across his lips as he finally meets Harry’s eyes. “Henry was it? Harry?”

“Harry.” He confirms after clearing his throat, slightly appalled by Louis not remembering him. I mean, It hadn’t been very long and the two were far from strangers at the time. Very far.

“Yes, yes of course. Styles?” Louis questioned, appearing more confident this time around.

Harry nodded again in confirmation, staring into the boy’s familiar blue eyes. The same eyes he used to spend days, as it felt to him, staring into. 

Louis had seemed to become lost as well, his gaze fixated on Harry’s intense look. After all, he should know this face well. Or at least, Harry would think that he would.

“Uhm, well, boys I’m going to uh, let you two catch up then, alright?” Niall said whilst looking between the two, holding back laughter at their intense staring contest. 

That snapped Louis out of his trance, his body turning comfortably towards Niall now. “Sounds good, Nialler. Catch up with you later?” He responds, drawing out the pronunciation of each word as though he couldn’t wait for him to leave.

“You betcha, Tommo.” Niall assures with a dorky hat tip to the boys and a wink Harry’s way before walking.

Harry smiles fondly at Niall as he runs up to another old classmate joyfully, much the same way as he approached Harry. He begins to regret not keeping in touch with him.

“A lovely guy, innit he?” Louis quips with a look on his face similar to Harry’s own, his body now completely turned towards Harry.

Harry simply nods in response, focusing his attention towards his old friend. Was friend really the right word, he wondered? Friends don’t usually have the kind of relationship that they had. Did Louis even remember any of that?

“Sooo, you settled down young if I had to guess? Got your heart stolen by a handsome boy and moved to a picket fence in the suburbs?” Louis leans on a nearby table, his body language displaying nothing less than pure confidence in the situation. As it always had. 

Harry coughs a little before smiling politely and stepping closer to join him beside the table, “Uhm, no, a woman actually.” He states, keeping his voice low as though it should’ve never been a question. 

“Oh.” Louis says, appearing genuinely perplexed as he pulled over one of the table’s dormant chairs and took a seat. “Just figured since, you know.” He brought his voice down to the same level as Harry’s. 

“Since what?” Harry questions trivially, slowly taking a seat across from him.

“Well I just figured that by 28 you would’ve made it out of the closet. But, I guess you never really minded hiding anyways.” He says with a careless shrug, an almost challenging look on his face. 

Harry cleared his throat, placing his elbows defensively on the table in front of them. “I’ll have you know that I’m into girls, actually. Exclusively, as a matter of fact.”

“Ah. So it was just a phase then? You and me? Surely, you remember our little rendezvous.” He says with a cocky smirk, his eyebrows raising as he caught Harry’s eyes again.

Harry’s short-lived confidence falters, his thoughts racing as he searches for some sort of defense. Yeah he’d say that he remembers. After a couple seconds pass he speaks, “I’m engaged. To Celine.”

Louis laughs. He actually laughs. Harry is appalled. “Celine? The blondie who always had a stick up her ass? That’s surprising, even for a closet case.”

“I am not a closet case.” Harry hits his fist against the table, the action causing a bit more noise than intended and causing passerby to shoot the two a short glance before looking away.

“Wow calm down, princess. Didn’t mean to step on your magic slippers.” Louis says with an almost-apologetic face, “I made an assumption, I’m very sorry.”

Harry calms a little at the clearly half-assed apology, his guards still ruthlessly in place as he looks across at the boy. “It’s alright, Louis.”

“Which, I now see with how defensive you got, an assumption that was completely correct.” Louis finishes with a faux-innocent smirk that breaks into a sly smile, the boy obviously feeling very proud of himself.

“Bloody hell, of course. I shouldn’t have expected anything less from you, Tomlinson.” He rolls his eyes, standing up to leave. He can’t believe he forgot how much of a dick he has always been. How did they ever end up hooking up? He’s almost away from the table when he feels a hand on his arm.

“Ok, H I’m sorry. I really am. I think we got off on the wrong foot here. How about we get a drink later tonight at the hotel bar, yeah? Just you and me.” Louis has his hands up in retreat, his words quick and direct as he stares almost pleadingly at Harry for an answer.

Harry stares him up and down quizzically, taking note of the vulnerability in his posture and sincerity in his eyes. He sighs in defeat. 

“Yeah, sure I’ll meet you there.” Harry agrees begrudgingly, his shoulders slumping.

“Great! I mean...Good. Uhm, see you at 8?” Louis asks almost frantically, his arms falling to his sides as he lets out a sigh of gratitude.

Harry nods, “See you at 8.” he repeats as he walks away from him. What the hell had he gotten himself into?

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

“Why exactly did you, uhm, pretend to have forgotten me?” Harry asks, trying his best to hide his feelings from Louis’ piercing looks.

“At the reunion? I was worried that you had so I just- wanted you to think I did too? You know, forgotten.” Louis says, a touch of his vulnerability coming through thanks to the alcohol in his system.

“Oh. Well, I hadn’t. You look the same as you did then.” Harry compliments, his dimples making their 150th shy appearance of the night.

“Why, thank you Harold. I must remind you though that it really was only a few years ago. Just a bit of time since you and I were skipping school and sneaking into empty classrooms.” Louis recalls fondly, chuckling before downing another shot. 

Harry laughs, taking a sip of his own drink, “Crazy how we never got caught. Niall always seemed to get busted for everything but you and I? Squeaky clean record.”

“Mm, well that’s because Niall didn’t have a goddamn criminal mastermind by his side all the time.” Louis says with a wink, leaning back in his seat as he finishes yet another shot.

Harry giggles, “As you dreamed, Lou.” the old nickname slipping off his tongue before he could process the words he was saying.

Louis notices, sitting up a little straighter in his seat when he speaks again, “Always turned you on, my Hazza. The risk of getting caught.” 

Harry swallows the lump of embarrassment that had appeared in his throat as he braced himself for Louis’ reaction, it quickly being replaced by one of sudden onset nerves. “You say that like it didn’t get the same reaction out of you.” He says with an experimental tilt of his head, nervously tapping his feet against the bottom of the chair.

And with that, Harry doesn’t quite know how it happens, but within 10 minutes he finds himself with a delicate hand petting his hair, and within 30 one on his knee as well, and by the end of the hour he’s against a wall in a too-slow elevator with lips attached to his neck. So he supposes things escalated rather quickly.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

The first thing that comes to Harry’s mind when he wakes up stark naked in a hotel bed with his head resting on his highschool fling’s sleeping body is confusion. The second thing is a sudden, all-powerful need to leave as fast as possible and to enlist some sort of government watchlist madman to erase the entire debacle from his memory. 

With no regard to the human pillow he fell asleep on, Harry flung the covers off of both of them and jolted to his feet with lightning speed. Truly, Quicksilver would be in shock. He frantically searched his surroundings for yesterday's clothes, for whatever reason finding them in 4 different corners of the room. It was as he was slipping on his jeans that he heard movement from the bed in the middle of the room, the previously peaceful body stifling awake frustratingly. 

“What the-” Louis croaks out in his morning voice, jumping a little at the sight of the half-dressed man bouncing around his hotel room in an attempt to pull up his pants.

“Uhh, Hi Louis. Uhm, I actually got to go because uhm, ya know stuff. Yeah uhm, gotta go.” Harry stuttered out nervously, zipping up his jeans and throwing his floral button-up loosely over his shoulders, with little regard to actually doing the buttons. 

“Oh. Right. Probably should do that.” Louis realizes slowly, sitting himself up on his elbows and squinting his eyes open at the light cascading in through the blinds. 

Harry paused for a moment in between putting on his left and right shoe, looking on at Louis from his position. He was across the room from the chair in the front of the television that Harry had found himself in.

Louis gazed back at him for a moment in his sleepy state, yawning and pushing his already too-long hair out of his face as he reached for the hotel monogrammed notepad and pen that sat on the nightstand. 

Harry shook himself out of his daze when Louis looked away, continuing his task of slipping on his black vans. Celine never liked when he wore them, said they looked unprofessional in combination with his outfits and- oh shit. Celine. 

Harry jumped up from the chair, patting down his back pockets quickly to ensure that his own hotel key, phone, and wallet hadn’t fallen out the night before, before setting out to sprint to the other side of the room. Of course, he tripped and fell into the bed in the process.

This earned him a giggle from the boy still laying across the bed next to him. The one thing he was trying to avoid looking at. He sighed and went again to walk out, more calm and carefully this time, when Louis once again made his presence inherently known. 

“Take this.” Louis said suggestively, his request light and gentle. There was no demand in his tone, simply the one spoken during a polite gesture. In his hand he held out a folded piece of paper, looking up at Harry with a small smile.

Harry examined the paper in his hands, taking it after a moment without thinking too far into it. He nodded after that, seeing Louis’ closed mouth smile grow a little wider.

“Have a safe trip home.” Louis said with finality, no bitterness or remorse to be found in his voice. Nothing that is usually expected when one is left the morning after. In fact, he appears entirely content and peaceful.

Harry mutters a small, “Thanks, you too.” before opening the door to leave, standing outside of it until he hears it fully close behind him. He takes a deep breath as he starts down the hall to his own room to collect his belongings.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

By the time Harry is in the back of an uber on his way to his fiancé and his residence in London, he is both emotionally and physically exhausted. Luckily, he managed to fall asleep on the train ride back and escape the unavoidable topic that is the last 24 hours of his life. Which is why his plan is to return to this unconscious state as soon as he gets home. 

Harry’s so out of it by the time he arrives at the entrance to their driveway, he can’t at all recall collecting his suitcase from the trunk after paying the driver. He sighs, slumping towards the front door and scrambling helplessly for the key. He doesn’t know why he’s so drained, but he supposes travel tends to do that to him. That, in combination with the pseudo-hangover he had woken up with, and the inflow of emotions at spending the night with his first, and only, “boyfriend” who Harry had left with such finality in the end. Well then, he supposes, that when he puts it like that, his exhaustion makes quite a bit of sense.

When he turns the key and steps inside, he takes a pause of relief at the door to take in the comforting warmth and smell of his condo. After his weekend, he needs it. Harry doesn’t know how long his little moment lasted, but it felt like it had been only a short few seconds when it was interrupted by the loud squeal and name-calling of a voice he knows more than any other. 

“Harry, honey you’re home! I’ve been waiting for hours,” a perky, feminine, sound filling the room, successfully shattering Harry’s momentary peace and solace.

Harry is still holding his bags, slightly gobsmacked at the petite blonde woman in front of him, who appears to be running towards him through his tired perception. 

“Celine, love, I thought you weren’t supposed to come back until tomorrow night?” Harry questions, his tone almost suspicious. Naturally, he’s left a little confused. She’s never come home early before.

“Well, you see I wasn’t, but I really missed you so I pulled some strings and came back earlier.” She’s on the tops of her toes to reach up and hug him now, her tone light and upbeat even in its muffled state against Harry’s chest.

It takes Harry a few moments to process the girl’s embrace, slowly dropping his bags to the ground and bringing his hands up to her back to return it. “That’s wonderful, babe.” He mutters against her shoulder, pulling away tiredly after a few moments to kiss her cheek.

Celine runs a finger across Harry’s cheek, “Isn’t it? I’m so happy to be with you.” She reassures adamantly, her current excitement almost too much.

Harry’s lips pull into a tight smile, stepping back a bit to pick up his bags again and get settled. It’s not that he’s not ecstatic for her to be home when she so rarely is, but he’s tired. He wants a long nap and a lazy couch day, and it’s not very hard to tell that Celine does not.

“Harry? Where are you going?” she asks, following her boyfriend up the stairs as he slowly makes his way up them.

“Just going to put my stuff upstairs.” He states, turning around at the top to see Celine’s questioning face. He sighs, reaching down to her from her place on the step below him to cup her face. “I was hoping to just take a nap, if that’s okay love? Want nothing more than to spend the whole rest of the day with you after that though, yeah?” He assures, knowing how doubtful she can get when he doesn’t share her feelings towards things exactly.

She frowns for a moment, looking to be thinking his suggestion over before sighing and nodding. She looked him in the eye as she responded quietly, “That’s okay,” averting her gaze to her floor as she followed Harry down the hall and towards their bedroom.

Harry sighs gratefully, discreetly as he can without perking up Celine’s interest, as he turns around. He sets his bags down in the corner of their shared room, immediately moving to peel off his clothes from the day before. He couldn’t recall doing anything especially invigorating while he was still in them, but they felt sweaty and tight against his skin. 

And there he goes thinking about it again. With his beautiful, wonderful, fiancé that he loves with all his heart standing 2 feet away. He really just needs to sleep. He was drunk, tired, and lonely and he's always been rather codependent. Besides, Louis was the one who initiated it mostly and he’s never gonna see him again, right? It’s not an excuse, but he can’t beat himself up over it too much, Harry reckons. 

He nods in satisfaction at his new guilt-free philosophy, re-entering reality as he’s kicking off his still-tied shoes and feeling his lifeless body collapsing on top of the bed.

“Why are you so tired, anyways? Was just a night in a school-funded hotel and a few awkward conversations from people of our past.” Celine questions, sitting down on the bed herself.

Harry frowns quizzically against the pillows at her wording, ‘people of our past’, before quickly shaking his head and dismissing it. He thinks for a moment about how to respond in a way that could serve to ease any possible worries, settling with, “Seeing people again after a bit of time often results in some interesting conversations.” 

As he drifts off, Harry feels his mind slowly wandering off to the reunion’s events again. He eventually falls asleep though, reassuring himself that he’ll forget about the whole thing in a week anyways and things will be back to normal.

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A week and a half passes, and Harry has most certainly not forgotten about it. About him. He really doesn’t know why it’s bothering him so much, they played around all the time in highschool and he never thought twice about it. Harry would occasionally go on dates with girls, and Louis would keep up his own reputation by continuing to sleep with what seemed like the entire footie team. 

And it was fine. Which, Harry realizes, this time it is a lot less fine since back then he was single. Mostly. However, it’s not the affair itself that seems to be bugging Harry the most, but Louis himself. He was so at peace with it all, like he expected it. Never unlike Louis to be smug, but something about the way he left things didn’t sit right with Harry.

In his thoughts, he’s brought back to the paper slip Louis gave him the week before. He had found it in his jeans two days ago while he was finally doing the laundry he’d been putting off, and hid it in a book he never reads, in a drawer inside his bedside table. Might seem a little excessive to some, but he was trying to forget about it entirely. He doesn’t know why he kept it, but he felt like he might want it at some point. For no particular reason.

Harry heard Celine clear her throat from beside him on the couch, subtly stopping him from zoning out during the movie they were watching. “Sorry,” he whispered, kissing her head where it rested on his chest. 

They spent the remaining 25 minutes of the film in silence, it being followed by another one of equally average dialogue and plot. She’d insisted on the two having a movie marathon after she had spent the whole morning on an unexpected work call. 

Such a minor phone call wouldn’t normally have bothered Harry, but Celine promised him that she’d be hands-off from her work for a bit after she came back from her most recent business trip two days ago. She said stuff was light right now and that she wouldn’t need to be so involved.

But, that ringed far from the truth as she was constantly getting emails and calls from her co-workers and boss, and Harry had to admit that it was very much bothering him. 

They make it 10 minutes into their third film when Celine gets yet another call from work. She sighs, moving to pause the movie when Harry stopped her, already holding the remote. 

“It’s okay, just go take it. Might be important.” He assures, moving his arm to give her room to crawl out of their pool of blankets and pressing pause on the remote.

Celine nodded to him, swiping the call accept button on her phone as she sat up and walked into the other room, her peppy phone voice drowning out as she went further away.

Harry sighed, staring at the bright colors on the TV until they started to blur together as he waited. A few minutes have passed when he hears light footsteps approaching, causing him to turn around from his place on the couch.

Celine had a regretful look on her face, head tilted down as she stepped towards the couch.

Harry frowns at her body laungage, “Everything okay, babe?” he asks softly, turning his whole body around now.

“Uhm, that was work. They want me to fly out of the country tomorrow morning for a few days. It’s non-negotiable and the extra-time will help towards my promotion.” She says flatly, swinging her body back and forth nervously.

Harry feels his chest constrict as he opens his mouth and nothing comes out. “Oh,” He eventually responded, not knowing what else to say. He visibly deflates into the couch cushion, looking away from Celine and avoiding eye contact. 

She reached out for Harry, attempting to hold the sides of his face, her expression falling when he pulled away from the touch. “Babe,” she looked at him with pleading eyes.

Harry shook his head, standing up and starting out of the room, ignoring the frantic footsteps following after him.

“Harry, please don’t be like this. It’s not my fault.” Celine tries, following him into the kitchen where he’s leaned against the sink.

Harry scoffs, “Don’t tell me ‘not to be like this’. You do this every time.” he spits bitterly, crossing his arms across his chest.

“You act like it’s my choice!” She argues, stomping around the kitchen island.

Harry sighs, “Isn’t it, though? If you really cared you would ask for time off.” 

“Oh so I don’t care now? Do you realize how much I sacrificed by coming home early last week?” she challenged, pacing around the room aggressively.

“That was your choice. It was only one extra day, love I would’ve survived.” He keeps his voice calm and low, darting his eyes between Celine and the floor.

She shakes her head before storming off across the house to the coat rack beside the door, pulling one off and throwing it across her shoulders.

Harry kicks against the cabinet in agitation, not wanting to argue anymore. He took a deep breath, looking up to find Celine staring back at him “Where are you going?”

“Out.” she states with finality, searching Harry’s face for something he doesn’t know, before swinging the door open and slamming it behind her.

Harry sinks onto the cold tile beneath his sock-covered feet, hiding his face and head in his hands. He maybe went a little too far, he thinks as he replays the argument in his head. But at the same time, he thinks he’s being pretty reasonable about this.

He just wants time with her. What are they gonna do when they do have kids? She couldn’t just leave all the time, especially when they’re little. He respects that she loves her career and she has every right to pursue all of her dreams, but in the end, what is most important to her? Harry debates with himself for a while, maybe hours, he’s not sure. Eventually, he gets up and walks around for a bit, turning off the TV that’s been paused all this time, and stands still in the dark living room.

He’ll go out, he decides. Get out of the house for a bit, cool off while Celine does the same. He nods to no one in particular, content with his decision before making his way upstairs to throw on a pair of jeans. Harry slips on a hoodie and his vans and is out the door within minutes. 

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Harry finds himself at a pub in the city at about a quarter to midnight, the dimly lit room spinning by 12 from the egregious amount of alcohol he had been consuming. By the time a familiar figure came into view, he had stopped counting drinks a long time ago.

“Harry?” an unmistakable accent quipped, tone laced with confusion and worry.

Harry looked up, his eyes blurry and glazed over as he met the piercing blue ones that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about. “Louis?” 

Louis scans over Harry in his inebriated state, the boy struggling to sit up straight in his chair as he attempts a smile at him. “Yep, that’s me. Are uh, are you alright?” he asks, keeping strong eye contact with the boy.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Harry draws out in a monotone voice, taking the last sip of his drink before setting it down on the counter.

“Are you sure? You’re lookin’ a little rough, mate. I mean, you’re always gorgeous but-” 

Harry decidedly ignored his subtle compliment, putting a hand up in defense before dropping it due to his arm feeling weak. “It’s nothing, I’ve just had a long night. What are you even doing here? I didn’t know you lived in London.” 

“Don’t. I’m a photographer, so I end up spending quite a lot of time down here.” Louis answers, sitting across from him after moving the chair closer to his old friend.

“Photography, huh? I always liked your photos.” Harry compliments, memories of Louis chasing him around campus with a polaroid flashing through his head.

Louis shrugged, “I’m decent, run a small business with my mate Jordan.” he cleared his throat, “You’ve always been naturally photogenic though, which certainly helped.”

Harry felt his cheeks heat up, and it wasn’t because of the alcohol. “You’re not so bad yourself, Tomlinson. I had my fair share of goofy photos of you on my phone.”

Louis laughs, “Surely there’s loads on our old facebooks as well.” he recalls, staring at Harry fondly.

“Oh man, I forgot about mine. It’s probably still public.” Harry ponders for a moment before speaking again, “Which does not give you permission to snoop it!” He says with a giggle, pointing accusingly at Louis.

Louis laughs, batting Harry’s hand away, “I would never.” he says, with a hand over his heart.

Harry smiles genuinely at Louis, receiving the same in return. He feels a wave of warmth and safety wash over him at the sight of the familiar face. It’s nice.

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This time when Harry wakes up in yet another hotel room, undressed and tangled up with Louis, he feels no need to run. Instead, he feels that same sense of security, the steady breathing of the sleeping boy next to him putting him at ease. He pulls Louis’ body closer to him with the arm resting around his delicate waist, kissing his bare shoulder. 

He hears Louis stifle awake after a little while, the time passing peacefully and slowly from Harry’s perspective. 

“Haz?” a groggy voice enters the air, Louis nuzzling further into the crook of Harry’s neck.

“Goodmorning.” Harry murmurs, looking down to meet the gentle eyes looking up to him.

Louis smiles before furrowing his eyebrows together and pouting adorably, “Why do you always wake up before me?” 

Harry chuckles lightly, “Always have, Lou.”

“Mm, well you should sleep longer.” He breaks apart from Harry, laying on his side to watch him. “Unless you’ve got somewhere to be?” Louis questioned, testing out the waters a little.

Harry turns to the ceiling, thinking for a moment. Celine probably came back to the house in the early morning to pack before leaving, presumably not especially concerned as to where Harry had been when she did. He supposes he could stay just a little longer. After all, he’d only be alone if he went home.

“Nope, nowhere to be.” Harry answers, returning his gaze to the man next to him.

“Really? No girlfriend?” Louis questions, flicking his eyebrows up in surprise. 

“Out of town.” Harry states, his face cold and distant. He didn’t quite know why Louis bringing her up didn’t affect him, but he had decided that he didn’t want to think about it. So he just didn’t.

Louis simply nodded in response, a small smile breaking across his face, “Well, in that case,” he says suggestively, pushing himself up on the bed and swinging his leg around Harry’s waist to straddle him.

Harry tilts his head, dimples on full display as his hands naturally find their way to Louis’ waist. He runs his fingers along them gently for a moment, and he doesn’t think too much about it when Louis presses their lips together, Harry immediately smiling into the kiss as he runs his hands up and down Louis’ back.

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They end up spending the rest of the day together, Louis only leaving for a couple hours to do a photoshoot midday. Harry doesn’t want to admit it, but he feels truly happy for the first time in a while. They’ve spent their time lounging around the hotel room half-dressed, talking about complete nonsense, reminiscing simpler times, and watching reruns of The Great British Bake Off. All while completely all over one another like they do this every day. Like they had lost no time at all since highschool.

Louis hadn’t asked for more details about Celine, the two unspokenly electing to avoid the topic of their real lives for as long as possible. Just like they never formally discussed the idea of staying together for another day, it just kind of happened when Harry never made any moves to leave. By the end of the night, both boys were spent, but content all the same.

Harry sighed from his position in Louis’ arms, his body beginning to feel legitimately sore from the day’s events. They had been mindlessly watching late night cartoons on low volume for the past hour or so, simply enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence. Harry had been tracing patterns into Louis’ bare chest, Louis playing with his curls. Life was good.

After a while, Harry’s mind began to wander as it tended to do, having an internal battle with himself about whether or not he wanted to share his racing thoughts with Louis. Of course, the question was answered for him when a gentle voice kept barely above a whisper entered the air.

“What are you thinking about?” Louis asked softly, petting Harry’s hair sweetly and planting occasional kisses here and there.

A few beats of a silence go by, “We had a fight. Celine and I. ‘S why I went out.” He answered, keeping his voice at the same volume as Louis’, as though he’ll ruin the moment if he didn’t.

Louis hums, “I figured. About her leaving, I’d assume?”

Harry sighs, fidgeting a little from where he was pressed up against him. “She’s always gone. I feel bad for getting so upset about it but…” He trails off, swallowing down the lump in his throat. He’s never talked about their relationship with anyone, even to close friends. He never felt right doing it, like she would find out somehow and get mad at him.

“H, the last thing I wanna do is stick my head in. But, if you’re asking for my advice, I don’t think you should feel bad. If that’s how you feel, then she should respect that and try to help, ya know?” Louis says warily, scared that he’ll ruin the moment of vulnerability if Harry got defensive. 

Harry ponders this for a moment, lifting his head up to look Louis in the eyes. “So you really think it’s reasonable then? I feel awful. Like, It’s her passion and I’m telling her that she can’t do it.”

Louis stares back, stroking Harry’s shoulder absentmindedly. “Babe, you’re not telling her that she can’t do it. You’re just asking her to make more time for you, right?” 

“I guess. I just-” Harry sighs, laying back down on his chest. Another minute goes by before he speaks again, “I’m tired of feeling alone.”

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It’s been 4 days since Harry’s weekend away with Louis, and if he thought that the boy was clouding his thoughts before, he had no idea. He and Celine had patched things up when she came home from her trip, or at least tried. She had apologized and promised to try and clear up her schedule and go on less trips, and Harry accepted it lazily. He so wants to believe her, but they’ve gone through this before, and It always ends the same. He’s left alone and feeling sorry for himself.

As the days go by, Harry grows more and more distant. If Celine notices she doesn’t say anything, but all he can think about is calling Louis. Running away from reality again and hiding for a few days. He knows he shouldn’t want it, but he wants to feel free. His time with Louis made him feel young, and something akin to happiness.

It’s 2 weeks later when she leaves again, Harry not even bothering to put up a fight. Things are back to normal, he supposes. One difference however, is that he’s starting drinking more and more when she’s gone. If Celine notices the gradual emptying of their wine cabinet between trips home, she doesn’t mention it. If he drinks enough, Harry can start to convince himself that she’s actually there. He can hear her voice, feel her touch on his chest from where he lays on the couch.

And sometimes when he gets really drunk, he considers calling the number on the paper Louis left him all those weeks ago. But, no matter what he seems to do, the sinking feeling of loneliness in his chest never lifts. A hole has taken up residence in place of his heart, and Harry’s convinced that it will never go away. 

There’s a day, a few mornings after Celine comes home and almost a whole month since Harry’s last seen Louis. He’s making breakfast for the two of them when she leaves him to go change upstairs. Harry steps away from the stovetop where he’s cooking eggs when he hears Celine’s phone ring from its spot on the kitchen island. He calls out to let her know, but he guesses that she doesn’t hear him when he doesn’t receive a response. 

He shrugs, turning back around until he hears multiple text message alerts go off in succession. Harry frowns, stepping forward and tapping the phone’s screen until the lock screen appears.

Adam: Why aren’t you answering my calls? U always answer.

Adam: Can you come out this weekend? I need you ;(

Harry’s frown grows deeper as he rereads the messages several times over, trying to make sense of them. He also pushes down the swooping feeling in his chest that grows the more times he does. Maybe it’s just someone from work. Yeah. That’d make sense right? 

He doesn’t get any more time to contemplate because he hears footsteps coming down the stairs, Celine calling out, “Is the food almost ready?” 

Harry quickly turns off the device, putting it face down on the island loosely where she left it as he answers. “Yeah, almost.” his voice deafening towards the end. 

He doesn’t stop thinking about the messages while they eat breakfast. “I need you” It’s mainly the ridiculous upside down smiley face that came after it that’s throwing it off. Why would a co-worker send something like that?

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It’s 5 and a half weeks since he’s last seen Louis, and 3 days since he’s last seen Celine when Harry finally gives in and calls him. He’s drunk, slurring his words together when Louis answers after a few rings. “Heyyy, it’s Harry.” He greets, holding clear that he’s not sober even from over the phone.

“Oh, hi. I assumed you threw out my number a long time ago.” Louis answers, sounding genuinely surprised.

“Uhm, no. I’ve been thinking about calling for weeks, actually.” Harry responds, shocking himself with how honest he was being.

“Have you now?” Louis questions suggestively, his voice growing distant and then close through the phone, like he’s walking around. 

“Mhmmm,” Harry drawls, not knowing how to ask what he wants to. What they both know he wants. “So umm, are you perhaps anywhere near London? Or going to be anytime soon?” He asks, trying not to sound too eager.

Louis lets out a shameless chuckle over the phone, the presence of a smile obvious in his voice, “I’m packing right now with plans to drive down tomorrow morning for work.”

“Oh. Well that’s uhm,” Harry clears his throat, “Convenient.”

“Awfully so.” Louis responds, his voice close to the microphone now.

“Do you think we could- or I could-”

Louis cuts him off, the boy’s hesitance making him even more anxious. “Yes, you can stop by. I’ll text you in the morning, alright darling?”

Harry nods first, forgetting that Louis can’t seem him and cursing under his breath. “Yeah, yeah that sounds good.” He pipes up, mentally punching himself for his obvious eagerness.

Louis’ still smiling, “Good.”

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Harry wouldn’t say that he’s become dependent on Louis, but the two have certainly fallen into a very suspiciously codependent routine. When Celine leaves, they check into a hotel in the city and spend a few days together. Nothing beyond that, and they rarely go out together or anything apart from the occasional brunch. But, Harry would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel nearly as lonely anymore. 

The pit in his chest was still there, but it reduced to a dull ache during his times with Louis. Even when he is with Celine, Harry still feels surprisingly lonely. He doesn’t understand how someone can feel so lonely at night when their partner is sleeping right next to them.

He’s also started drinking less, except for the incidental drunken night on a customary balcony with Louis. The special ones where they laugh at everything the other says, regardless of whether it was intended to be a joke, and the whole world seems to fall away. Harry finds himself feeling like that a lot when he’s with Louis. By the end of each day with him, his face hurts from smiling and his chest begins to feel lighter and lighter. 

It’s for these reasons that Harry can’t manage to feel a single ounce of guilt about seeing him. He knows he should, knows he shouldn’t be able to sleep at night from feeling so completely awful. Instead, he finds himself sleeping better than he has in a long time, completely enveloped in Louis’ warmth. 

He still misses his fiancé dearly, and not a day goes by without him thinking about her. But, he begins to find many of the things he’s missing in Louis. The way he giggles into his hands when he’s especially humored, and that he’s the perfect height to nuzzle into Harry’s chest when they hug. But Harry’s also begun to notice so many more things about Louis, things unique to him. Like the way his eyes crinkle in the mornings, and that he kicks his legs out when he laughs really hard. His goofy facial expressions when they lock eyes, and how his head tilts to the side almost comically when he’s confused. 

So yeah, maybe Harry’s having a bit of an existential crisis. However, he tries his best not to worry too much about it, and he finds it far easier to do that when he’s with Louis. Every once and a while though, late in the evenings, his thoughts start to spin. Thoughts of Celine, and the future he had imagined for them together. A future Harry’s not sure if he still wants.

On one particular night, a month into he and Louis’ routine, Harry’s wrapped in blankets stolen from the bed on the hotel room’s pull-out couch. Louis’ beside him, a popcorn bowl resting on top of his sweatpants as they watch a movie on his laptop. He’s wearing Harry’s hoodie, and has been since the night before. 

They’re watching Grease, Louis’ favorite. They’ve been making comments about it every now and then, Louis pointing excitedly at the screen when his favorite scenes come up. It’s when Kenickie confronts Rizzo about her rumored pregnancy that Harry speaks up. 

“I don’t think I can marry Celine.” He says, his voice flat and cold in the small room.

Louis freezes from where he’s mid popcorn eating, his hand landing back in the bowl to drop the kernels in it as he turns to Harry. He swallows, “Why?”

Harry scoffs, almost smirking when he returns Louis’ gaze “That’s a little obvious, isn’t it?” 

Louis smiles a little, shrugging, “Well yeah but...I thought she was gonna stop working when you two settled down. When you and I stopped- this.” He points between them and then looks around the room, “When you stopped, ya know, needing me.” He finishes, looking down at their laps.

Harry watches Louis’ reaction with confused features. Wasn’t he the one that was always so very casual about all of this? He sighs and shakes his head, “I mean I love her, I really do.” saying it almost like he was convincing someone. Maybe himself. “I guess I just don’t know if it’s what I really want? I’m probably not making any sense but-”

“No, I get it.” Louis cuts off, looking back up to Harry as he continued. “I’ve uhm, never mentioned this but I was with a guy a few years ago and he really wanted us to settle down. I thought I wanted that too. But, we were young, and by the time he had bought the ring and everything- I’d sort of changed my mind.” He speaks regretfully, like he’s still not fully forgiven himself for it.

“Oh. Louis, I’m sorry.” Harry says, not really knowing how to respond.

“It’s okay. He was understandably upset but understood and we went our separate ways.” Louis stares off for a moment before meeting Harry’s eyes yet again, “He’s married with a daughter now, though. Got his happy ending.” He says with a small smile, clearly genuinely happy for the boy.

“That’s really good.” Harry reasons, taking Louis’ non-buttery hand in his.

Louis nods, swallowing before speaking again, “I’m not saying that that’s necessarily the answer in your situation but, sometimes even when two people love each other, It’s not meant to be.”

When Harry looks back at the television screen, Rizzo is telling him that the baby isn’t his, and he keeps his eyes locked on the screen as Kenicke walks off. 

Harry debates whether or not he should mention the text messages he saw to Louis or not, but by the time he turns to Louis to attempt to speak, he’s fixated on the movie again. Harry just smiles small and fondly at him before turning back to do the same.

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It’s two months into Harry and Louis’ affair that things between them begin to change. They still meet up and spend time together, and they still do all the same things as usual. But, something is different. More specifically, Louis is different. 

He’s been acting more distant than usual, not looking Harry in the eyes as much, or holding him as much at night. Small things, minor ones. But, Harry notices them all the same. Don’t get him wrong, Louis’ still just as sweet as he always is, cracks just as many jokes when Harry drinks a little too much and starts messing up his words, makes him feel just as good. Nonetheless, something is off. 

At first, Harry thinks he might be imagining it, but when he asked Louis about it directly his response only made him more confused.

They’re on the balcony one afternoon, the sun shining brightly in front of them from where they sit in the cool shade. They’re eating sandwiches from some local cafe Louis discovered, the two mostly quiet other than the occasional few words. The lack of speaking was comfortable, though, the sounds of chirping birds and the lively street below filling the silence that their voices were not. It was peaceful.

Therefore, Harry’s a bit alarmed when just a few minutes into their meal, Louis abruptly stands up to throw out the crumbs of his already finished food. Harry sits alone and slightly dumbfounded on the towel that they had laid out beneath them, the two preferring it to the chairs that were already out there, as he watches him walk off into the room’s mini-kitchen. 

When Louis returns to the balcony, he sits further away than before, and instead of explaining his actions or even looking Harry in the eyes, he just stares out at the surrounding buildings.

A minute or two go by of the silence now made uncomfortable before Harry breaks it. “Louis?” He starts hesitantly.

The aforementioned immediately turns his head to Harry, like he’s just snapped out of a daydream. “Yeah?”

“Uhm,” Harry fidgets with his hands before looking up at Louis, “Do you not wanna’ do this anymore or something? Like, with me? It’s totally okay if you don’t, we can stop whenever you want to but-”

“What?” Louis looks completely caught off guard and shocked at the proposition, moving closer to Harry as he speaks. “Why wouldn’t I want to? Or, do you not want to? If so, I completely understand, obviously but-”

“No, no I want to. I like this. A lot. I just- you’ve seemed kind of distant lately? Or like, bored?” Harry questions, beginning to feel like a complete tosser now.

Louis paused for a moment before taking a deep breath and taking Harry’s hands in his. “I’m sorry if I came off that way, darling. It’s nothing I promise, yeah? I like this too.” He assures him, bringing Harry’s hands up to kiss them.

Harry nods, melting into Louis when he pulls him in for a real kiss after. Maybe he is just imagining things.

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Harry's trailing kisses up and down the column of Louis’ throat one night when his suspicions are answered. They’re both a little tipsy, Harry much more than Louis, and he isn’t really paying all that much attention to what his mouth is doing nor what’s coming out of it.

Harry stops momentarily to look at the boy under him, letting out an exasperated “You’re beautiful.” before continuing along his neck. He feels Louis smile in response, and starts talking again, “I really really like you, Louis.” He whispers between kisses, “Like, probably a lot more than I should considering everything but- I do.” 

Louis freezes from where he’s laying on the bed, opening his previously closed eyes and avoiding Harry’s puzzled ones as they stare down at him.

Harry pauses his actions immediately, pulling himself up with his arms “Is everything okay?” he asks, sort of out of breath.

Louis nods quickly, turning to face him now. Harry locks eyes with him for a moment, unable to read them but assuming he’s okay before moving to dive back in again, only to be pushed back by hands much smaller than his.

“I don’t wanna do this right now.” Louis says, sitting up completely and backing away from Harry a little on the bed.

Harry feels a knot form in his chest, swiftly pushing himself up to a sitting position as well. “Oh. I’m really sorry, I would’ve stopped sooner if you didn’t want to I just thought-”

“No, I do want to. I just-” Louis sighs, not knowing what to say.

“Then what is it?” Harry asks, biting his lip unsurely as he looks on at him.

Louis shakes his head, turning to meet his curious gaze. “What are we, Harry? Like- what are we doing?”

Harry looks a little taken aback, scrambling for a moment to piece together an answer. “I-I don’t know. We’ve never really talked about what we do.”

“See, that’s kind of the problem.” Louis says, a touch of passive aggression in his tone as he stands up from the bed.

Harry’s left speechless on the bed, not sure how to react in his lucid state. Louis’ staring at him though, obviously expecting some sort of answer. He sighs, “If you don’t want to do this anymore we can stop, Louis. I never want to do anything you’re not okay with. I just thought we were both on board with this, ya know? With what we do?”

Louis sighs exasperatedly, trying to collect his thoughts calmly. “I was on board, but-” He pauses, slumping the arms he was talking with down and pacing around the room several times. He stops then, looking Harry directly in the eyes and taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Harry but I can’t keep doing this when it doesn’t mean to you what it does to me.”

Harry is completely confused when Louis starts collecting his things from off the floor and in the bathroom, struggling to try and come up with some sort of response. “I don’t understand. You say that you want this, but you’re-” He watches as Louis shoves things in his suitcase and begins to slip on actual clothes. “Leaving?” He concludes. 

Louis doesn’t stop his actions but he looks in Harry’s direction as he responds, shimmying his sweats up his waist. “Look, I’m really sorry. I know you get lonely sometimes and I want to be there for you, but I just can’t be.”

Harry continues to watch him pack up his things motionlessly, too confused to even know how to argue against it. He just doesn’t understand.

By the time Louis’ fully dressed and has slipped into his checkered vans, Harry has gotten no closer to figuring out why he’s leaving. He realizes their situation isn’t exactly ideal but he was under the impression that both parties understood the conditions when all of this started. 

Louis sighs as he begins to roll his suitcase towards the door, turning around to face Harry as he makes his way over to him.

Harry looks down at Louis from where they stand, saying the only thing that he can think of in an attempt to make him stay. “Please, Lou. I can’t be alone anymore.” He pleads, his voice cracking towards the end of his words.

Silent, uncomfortable, seconds pass as Louis stares up at him. Eventually though, he swallows and turns around to turn the door handle and swing it open. 

Harry watches as he stands on the other side of the doorway now, Louis holding it open with just his hand. 

“Goodbye, Harry.” Louis says, his face unreadable as he closes the door in front of him.

Harry doesn’t know how long he stands there, staring at the wooden door. He’s become surrounded by complete darkness now that the sun has finished going down, and the oh-so-familiar emptiness in his chest is yelling at him yet again.

Suddenly he shakes his head, storming off across the room to the mini-fridge to raid the beer he and Louis had stashed there. He sure feels like a teenager again now.

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When Harry wakes up hungover and alone the next morning, he simply takes a hot shower starts towards home. He doesn’t want to, because he knows even Celine won’t be there until later that night, but at this point he really has no other option. He’d rather sulk in his own home then a hotel room filled with memories that ceased to do nothing but make Harry feel even more miserable.

He really didn't expect Louis leaving to hit him as hard as it did. After all, the sex was phenominal but he was just a distraction in the end, right? What was possibly upsetting him the most was that he still doesn’t understand why he left. Part of him wants to attempt to ring him, but he supposes he should wait until things settle down a little more.

When Harry steps into his condo again after not doing so in 3 days, he expects to feel a wave of relief. Instead, he just finds himself feeling cold and unreal. He sighs as he moves to take his bags upstairs, moving to turn on the hallway light only to then realize that it’s already on. That’s strange, he thinks. He always takes special measures to turn off all the lights when he leaves. 

Harry shrugs, continuing up the top two stairs before making his way to he and Celine’s bedroom. He thinks he hears voices as he nears the door, but he still feels pretty out of it from last night’s heavy drinking, so he promptly ignores it as he turns the doorknob and walks in the room.

His bags fall to the floor within a second of him entering. Because he drops them. Immediately.

Celine screams as soon as her eyes fall on her fiancé, breaking apart from the half-dressed man she was sprawled across when Harry walked in.

“Uhm- I can explain I was just-” Celine scrambles for an excuse, crossing and uncrossing her arms over her stomach.

Harry looks between the two, chuckling bitterly at the unknown man as he hurries to get dressed to leave. “T-there’s no excuse, Celine. I don’t-” He’s left just as speechless as the night before, still unmoving from his position in the doorway.

He’s not surprised, is the thing. Not even just because of the texts he saw, but because everything just makes a lot of sense all of a sudden. 

The stranger shoves past him to leave the room, Celine running up to Harry now.

“Harry, baby, I’m sorry. It didn’t mean anything, it was just a heat of the moment thing, ya know?” She frantically tried, trying to take his hands in hers.

Harry shakes his head, pulling his arms away. He’s surprisingly calm, he realizes. He sighs, “Don’t bother, please. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. I suppose that was Adam that you were just on top of in our bed, then?” He crosses his arms challengingly, completely annoyed by Celine’s attempts at defending herself.

She swallows, looking away from Harry and effectively answering his question. “Did you know?” Celine asks then, her eyes looking everywhere but at the man in front of her.

“I had an idea.” He answers, kicking the ground beneath him in frustration. “Guessing he was what all your so-called business trips were for, hm?” He confirms bitterly, rolling his eyes.

“Well, not all of them...” She tries, looking away briefly before suddenly scoffing and returning his gaze. “But, what did you expect me to do? You’ve been pulling away from me more and more by the year and I was getting sick of having to baby you all the time.” She spits out, snapping into her aggressive character now.

“Pulling away? You’ve been my entire life since I was 19 years old, don’t even start. And I’m so very sorry that you felt like you had to ‘baby’ me when I got upset about never getting to see you. Because usually, when two people are in a relationship they want to spend time together.” Harry starts to raise his voice.

“Oh yeah? And where were you two hours ago when I came home? I called him over after I came home to an empty house.” Celine challenges, basically screaming at this point.

“Out. By myself. As I often do when you leave me unexpectedly every other week to sleep with someone else.” Harry answers, only partially withholding the truth about where he was. Not even like it would really matter if she did find out about Louis at this point.

It’s Celine's turn to roll her eyes now. “It’s not my fault you have that you have no hobbies or passions, Harry.”

Harry full-out laughs now, “You told me to quit my job 6 months ago because you could completely financially support us on your own, and that there was no need for me to work.” 

“And what have I been doing?” She looks him in the eyes again.

Harry scoffs, “Not working towards a promotion, apparently.” 

Celine just turns away, having no more arguments to try. “Whatever.”

“Whatever? You’ve been cheating on me since before we were even engaged and your response is ‘whatever?’” Harry asks, appalled.

“It doesn’t even matter. You know now so we can just forget about it all and move on.”

Harry actually laughs at that, “Good one. I was actually thinking something along the lines of we’re done, Celine.”

She just screams frustratedly into the air now, as though Harry was being the most irritating person in the world. 

Minutes go by, and when Harry just continues to stare at her with his arms crossed, Celine stomps aggressively across the room. She quickly shoves a day or two’s clothes in a bag and shoves past him.

“I can’t even look at you right now. Call me when you’re prepared to have a real, rational conversation.” She bites back at him before turning to walk down the stairs.

Harry rolls his eyes. Yes, because she’s being so rational about this. He just shakes his head when he hears the front door slam seconds later, not even knowing how to react. Suppose he is gonna be completely alone tonight after all.

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Harry doesn’t quite know how he ends up slumped over on his back on the living room couch, a mostly-empty bottle hanging off the side by his fingertips, but he does. He sighs for the upteenth time that night, glancing over to the coffee table where more bottles are scattered. He laughs sadly. Guess he’s ended up here again.

He’s still not at all surprised that she cheated but just angry. Some might say that it’s rather hypocritical for him to be mad considering his own infidelities, but in his defense, that started quite a bit of time after she began “working” so much. After Harry was left feeling empty by the person he loved more than anything else.

“Drink to that,” He toasts to no one, chuckling sorrowfully between each sip he takes. “To being fucking empty.”

When Harry finishes that bottle, he realizes that he has no more in his peripherals and sighs. He misses deeply. Not just the feeling of the bottle on his lips, and not even necessarily a person. He just misses what he used to have. He misses highschool, where his biggest problems were getting caught for coating the lockers in silly string with Niall, and his prom date finding out that he plays for the other team. More specifically, Louis Tomlinson’s team. 

Maybe that’s why he ended up with a woman in the first place. Harry never thought he liked boys until he met Louis. All he knew was that he never understood why his friends cared so much about the school changing the allotted length of the girl’s skirts, or what costumes the cheerleaders were wearing to Calvin’s annual Halloween party. In fact, it was at that party that he first met Louis.

Celine changed everything for him. Of course, he was still seeing Louis when they first started talking, as was customary for Harry’s girlfriends. But he realized quickly that she had something different, something that set her apart from every other girl in Harry’s phone. Something worth giving up Louis for. A spark he begins to realize that maybe she lost to him a long time ago.

Nevermind, Harry decides; he misses Louis. He misses everything about Louis, even when he’s being stubborn and even when he’s pulling away. It is because of this, Harry reckons, that he ends up dialling his number a short few minutes later.

“Hello?” A groggy, sleep-filled voice answers after a few rings.

Harry just sits there for a minute, zoning out to the sound of Louis’ voice. As though he hadn’t heard it telling him ‘goodbye’ less than 24 hours ago.

“Hi?” Louis tries again, seconds away from pressing end on the call without looking at the caller ID.

“Heyyyy,” Harry drawls, suddenly feeling a surge of happiness after hearing him speak yet again.

“Harry?” Louis questions, the sounds of him shuffling around on his bed clear from over the phone.

“Whatcha up too?” He asks with an obvious smile, letting out a chuckle at the end. 

“Was sleeping. What about you?” Louis asks cautiously, familiar with coaxing a drunk Harry by this point in their relationship.

“Drinking and thinking far too much.” Harry says through giggles, his spirits being immediately lifted by Louis’ attention on him. “I really really miss you.” He confesses, rolling over onto his stomach.

Louis swallows, “That’s uhm-” he sighs, “Why are you drinking, baby? Is Celine with you?” 

“She left.” he answers flatly, suddenly not so happy anymore. He attempts to sit up on the couch but fails, falling face-down into a pillow.

“Left? I thought she was getting back tonight?” Louis asks in confusion.

“She did. She left me.” Harry answers, staring down at the floor beside him for a few seconds, his mood completely falling now. “I’m sad now. I don't want to be sad, I want to be happy. You make me happy Louis.” 

“What do you mean she left you? Harry, I’m gonna need you to elaborate a little more.” Louis questions, his voice much more alert now.

“Nooo, I don’t want to talk about her. She makes me sad. I want to talk about you, Louuuu.” Harry responds, hearing more shuffling through the phone as he finally managed to pull himself up to a sitting position. 

Louis sighs into the phone, his breathing speeding up as he moves around his room. “Are you at home, Harry?” he asks, decidedly ignoring the other boy’s requests.

“Mhmmm. Came back this morning. Cause you left. Louis, why did you leave me?” Harry asks, a pout evident in his tone.

Louis pauses for a moment before speaking again, “I think you know the answer to that.” Louis decides on.

Harry sighs dramatically, “I don’t like when you do that.”

“When I do what, H?” Louis asks, just trying to go along with the boy’s conversation now.

Harry tries to stand up now, craving the few bottles left in the cabinet. He’s not numb enough yet, he decides. His efforts might go unrewarded however, his vision growing dizzy as soon as he gets to unsteady feet. “Act like I don’t care about you.” 

Louis clears his throat, mainly out of nervous habit now. “What are you doing now?” He asks then, ignoring Harry’s previous statement.

“Nothinnn...” Harry drawls, knowing Louis would be unhappy if he knew that he was getting more. He didn’t want Louis to ever be unhappy. It’s when he goes to take his third step away from the couch that he trips, his ankle twisting just slightly as he falls to his knees. 

Louis hears a light thud through the phone, moving around more frantically now. “Harry, are you okay?” He asks frantically.

“No.” Harry laughs, willingly collapsing onto his side on the carpet after that and giggling into the phone where he continues to hold it up to his ear.

“I’m gonna come see you, okay Harry? Is that okay?” Louis asks delicately, worry lacing his words.  
“Yayyy! I won’t have to miss you anymore.” Harry cheers, continuing his seemingly never-ending laughter over nothing in particular. 

Louis just sighs in response, not having the energy to think about a response to his comment.

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Eventually, Louis gets Harry to tell him his address. And, after a little over an hour Louis finds himself and his Range Rover in the boy’s driveway. He made Harry stay on the phone with him the whole way over, and he talks for the first time in a couple minutes as he closes his side door. 

“I’m at your house, Harry. I’m gonna come in now, alright?” He asks cautiously, not wanting Harry to freak out and think he was someone else in his drunken state.

“Okayyyy.” Harry answers, feeling very sleepy now as he lays across his spot on the floor. He didn’t feel like moving anymore after he fell.

Louis turns the doorknob and searches around for a lightswitch in the virtually pitch-black room. He finds Harry immediately upon turning on the light, the boy curled up in a ball on the living room carpet. Louis holds back a fond ‘aww’ at his fetal position, quickly pushing his thoughts down as he hangs up the call and steps towards him.

Harry rolls over and squints his eyes open at the sudden brightness, opening and closing them several times as Louis’ blurry figure comes into view. He whines, instinctively reaching his arms out to him only to grab onto nothing.

“Shh, Harry it’s okay.” Louis speaks softly, pulling Harry’s compliant body into his lap.

Harry clings to him, nuzzling into Louis’ Adidas hoodie. He hums as he shuts his eyes again.

Louis strokes Harry’s hair absentmindedly, repositioning them so he can lean himself against the side of the coffee table.

After a little while, Harry starts to cry. He doesn't entirely know when or why, but he suddenly feels there’s tears streaming down his face and Louis’ sleeve.

Louis just shushes him sweetly, running a calming hand up and down the back of Harry’s shirt.

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When Harry begins to peak his eyes open the next morning, he’s surprised to see Louis already awake further down the couch. Harry has a piercing headache and his face hurts from crying, causing him to wince as he pulls himself up on his forearms. The movement seems to alert Louis, as he quickly drops his phone on the cushion in front of him and crawls over to him.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Louis asks softly, running a hand down the side of Harry’s face.

“Terrible.” Harry says, chuckling a little as he sits up fully now in front of Louis.

“Understandable.” Louis answers, the two staring for a few seconds before he stands up and walks to the kitchen. “Where do you keep your tea, then?”

“Second draw to the right of the fridge.” Harry answers easily, reaching for the TV remote to turn on morning cartoons as he waits for Louis to come back.

When he does a few minutes later, he’s holding two mugs and reaching one out to Harry.

“Thanks,” Harry says as he takes the warm cup, blowing on it lightly before setting it in his lap.

Louis just nods, sitting criss-cross across from him in his favorite grey sweats and the dark green hoodie that Harry recalls from the night before.

They drink their tea in silence, the mood amongst them mostly calm aside from the obvious thing hanging over both their heads. 

It’s an episode and a half of The Simpsons later that Harry speaks. “I walked in on Celine with someone.”

Louis has a sharp intake of breath before responding, “Oh. Did you uh, did you know em’?”

Harry sputters a little with a small smile before collecting himself, “No, think she works with him or something.”

Louis smiles small at him, shrugging then, “Ironic, I suppose?”

“Something like that. There were hardly any business trips, of course.” Harry says loosely, his numbness towards the whole situation still intact from last night. He was thankful for that, at least.

Louis sighs, “I’m really sorry.” he says for lack of anything better to say.

“It’s alright. I’m not as upset as I would’ve thought, just a little lost on what to do now.” Harry says, his eyes falling on his lap.

“Did you tell her about-” Louis starts hesitantly, pointing between them.  
“No. I reckon I should, though. She wanted me to just forgive and forget.” He scoffs, looking back to Louis.

Louis chuckles sarcastically, “That’s ace.”

“Yeeep.” Harry drones bitterly.

Moments pass before Louis speaks again, “Just to clarify, I still don’t think we should uhm- see each other anymore.” He states, avoiding eye contact now.

Harry frowns, watching him as he plays with his fingers. “That’s uh- that’s okay.” He eventually says. He’ll miss him, but if Louis doesn’t want to be with him anymore, then Harry can’t make him.

Louis nods, like he’s convincing himself of something. “Good. Just wanted to be clear about that. I came because I was worried, not to like- do anything.” He reiterates.

Harry takes in a deep breath before letting it out, “That’s alright. Thank you...for coming. You really didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. You needed someone, yeah?” Louis asks, building up the courage to meet his eyes now.

Harry just nods, the two falling back into silence and focusing on the TV.

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Louis stayed for about an hour after that, leaving when Harry received a text from Celine saying that she was coming by to talk. This time when he left, Harry thinks it hurt more than the first. He understood and respected Louis' decision, though. Didn’t fight it, regardless of how much he wanted to.

When Celine came, she was much calmer than the day before. She was upset that Harry didn’t want to try again, but she didn’t fight it after he explained that he’d been seeing someone as well. Harry spent the afternoon helping her pack amicably, the two exchanging scarce words. There was no hatred to be found in either of their tones, but begrudging acceptance. As Harry now fully understood, sometimes no matter how much two people try, they’re just not meant to be together.

It doesn’t change Harry’s feelings towards Louis, though. In the following weeks, he misses him more than he ever missed Celine when she was away. He hasn’t stopped drinking, but he’s been careful not to get as bad as he was the night Louis came. And, as much as Harry wants to call him, sober or drunk, he doesn’t. He’s accepted that he doesn’t want to see him, no matter what Harry might feel for him.

It’s becoming increasingly difficult for Harry to avoid his temptations, however. In part because he’s lonely, but also because he sort of thinks he might have fallen in love with him. The thing is, at first he thinks that he just missed him because he was there. He was something to miss. Now, Harry’s come to realize that he really truly misses Louis for him. He misses their effortless conversations, the stupid dances they would do just to make each other laugh, all the off their face times and the sober ones. Louis’ gentle touches, the pet names and the nicknames. Harry misses all of it, regardless of whether he wants to or not. He could never tell him now though, he’s lost his chance. Besides, Louis obviously doesn’t feel the same or he wouldn’t have left him to begin with. So Harry lays alone, beating himself up for not realizing how he felt sooner. Back when it could have made a difference. 

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Weeks after the night he called Louis, Harry decides to go out. He doesn’t pay attention to where he goes, simply searching bars in his Google Maps and tapping the first one. He just wants to go somewhere where he can get away. He got a job at a coffee shop a week after he and Celine broke up, but other than his shifts there, he’s been doing nothing but sitting around the house. Which, as one could imagine, is not helping his mental health. When his GPS lands him in front of the same pub that he had found himself at a short couple months before, he simply shrugs and goes to park.

Harry bee-lines for the counter as soon as he enters, twirling himself in a semicircle from the force he used to sit on the spinning stool. The bartender smiles brightly at him, and Harry orders mindlessly. The hole in his chest has stopped hurting now and so has everything else. Of course, now Harry’s just been reduced to feeling absolutely nothing at all. He thought total numbness would be preferable to the painful chest ache he was plagued with before, but he was very wrong. Harry has now found that even sadness is better than the strikingly shallow feeling of pure emptiness.

He’s had only a couple drinks before his mind begins to wander, his eyes trailing across the room in search of someone else who looks just as lonely as he feels. Just as devoid. Harry sighs in defeat a few moments later, not even knowing what he was expecting. He’s taking another sip of his drink when his quiet prayers are answered though, looking off into space and meeting the eyes of the exact person he wanted to see. They look different to him for some reason, the shade of blue not quite right, but he recognizes them all the same. Harry watches as the man approaches, his vision slightly blurred from the alcohol.

“Hey, stranger.” Louis greets, seeming to be in surprisingly good spirits.

Harry nods in greeting, almost wanting to smile at the boy’s entrance, but the pang of impending emptiness that sits in his chest steals it back. Like a wince to his heart from something painful, his face falls. 

“Look, mate, we’ve gotta stop meeting like this.” Louis speaks, through an obviously forced chuckle before sitting down beside him.

Harry frowns, just taking notice of how inebriated and out of it the boy in front of him actually is now that he’s seeing him close-up. “Probably.” he says, forcing a giggle himself.

“Sooo,” Louis drawls, clearly put off by the awkward silence the two have found themselves in as he begins to babble on about some irrelevant something. 

Harry’s not paying attention though, too entranced by the boy’s lips to care about what’s actually coming out of the mouth they're attached to. He knows how dumb of an idea it is, the one storming into his head as the seconds go by. Knows that it might mess up everything even more, and that will most definitely drag Harry even further away from getting over him, but he still wants to do it. More than anything, he thinks as he continues to daydream. And, inevitably his frankly embarrassing bad self-control wins and he does it.

Harry cuts Louis off completely when their lips touch, his words getting caught in Harry’s mouth when he gasps into the kiss. It only takes a few seconds before Louis’ kissing back with just as much passion though, the pair only pausing when they begin to feel their lung’s constrict from lack of air.

This time, when the next thing Harry recalls is being pressed uncomfortably to the glass wall of an elevator, he’s not left wondering how it happened. Nor is he shocked when he watches as Louis manages to insert his hotel room key expertly into the door without breaking their kiss. Needless to say they’ve had a lot of practice. It’s also needless to say that Louis definitely missed him. Even if it was just a little bit.

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Harry discovers when he wakes up in darkness only a few hours later though, that it was most certainly more than just a little bit. He hears quiet sniffles coming from the other side of the bed as he rolls over, trying his best to make out shapes in the pitch black room. When Harry sees Louis’ small, hunched over silhouette in front of the window, he is surprised to feel a pang in his chest for the first time in weeks. He watches for a few seconds as the boy’s shoulders shake softly from where he’s hiding his face in his hands, before sitting up and taking a deep breath to make his presence known.

Louis freezes then, bringing his head up and sighing deeply. “Go back to sleep, Harry.”

Harry shakes his head, ignoring his request as he inches closer under the comforter. “Why are you-” 

“Please, Harry. I’m sorry I woke you but please.” Louis pleads, his voice shaky like he’s on the verge of breaking down again by the time he finishes.

“No, Louis. If tonight is the last time I’m ever going to see you again, I’m not gonna’ allow you to spend it in tears.” Harry states, crawling until he’s next to him on the bed.

Louis wipes his fingers across his face hopelessly before turning to Harry and looking him dead in the eyes.

Harry is convinced that his heart has been physically ripped out of his chest and stomped on when he looks at Louis, his eyes visibly red and puffy even in the moonlight cascading in from behind the curtains. There’s still a slow fall of tears streaming down his face, Louis doing nothing to stop them as he stares into Harry’s eyes with all the vulnerability left in him.

Harry attempts to swallow the tight knot in his throat but to no avail, his own tear ducts screaming at him from behind his eyelids. He doesn’t realize that he’s been holding his breath until he lets it go, a whimper escaping through his lips when he does. 

Louis sniffles again, his face softening at Harry as he tries his hardest to fight back even more tears of his own. He never wanted to hurt him, he really didn’t. There’s a reason he just wanted to walk away.

“Oh, Lou…” Harry tries, scooting forward to cup the broken boy’s face.

Louis breaks a little then, several more tears falling in succession. “I can’t tell you what’s wrong because you’ll make fun of me.” He croaks, letting out a small laugh through his tears.

Harry smiles sadly, tilting his head to the side “Now why would I do that, baby?”

Louis swallows, closing his eyes before taking a long, deep breath and meeting Harry’s eyes again. “Because-” he starts, “I love you.”

Harry just stares, the gentle strokes of his thumbs on Louis’ cheekbones halting. “What?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m in love with you, Harry.” Louis repeats, darting his eyes across Harry’s shocked face.

Harry takes another moment to process exactly what Louis just said before speaking. “Louis, why- why would I make fun of you for that?” Harry asks, appalled. Who hurt this boy? Who hurt this sweet, beautiful boy?

Louis just shrugs, pulling one of his sleeves down with his opposite hand and using it to wipe the tears off his face.

Harry watches the action carefully before taking his hands away from Louis’ face and beaming. His dimples out and proud through his own loud, genuine laughter. He looks over to a very perplexed and possibly maybe hurt Louis, just shaking his head and grabbing the back of the tearful boy’s neck and smacking their lips together before laughing harder.

Louis smiles a little, putting on the beloved confused face that Harry loves so much and tilting his head to the side. “Harry, what's so funny?”

Harry swallows as he tries to contain his laughter enough to answer, taking both of Louis’ hands in his and bringing them up to his lips to kiss them. “Louis, I love you. So, so much. You thought that I was gonna’ make fun of you I-” He pauses, speaking too fast and needing to take a deep breath before speaking again. “This is such a relief, I thought you wanted nothing to do with me. All this time.” Harry says, lifting Louis’ hands up and down in his own as he talks.

Louis frowns deeply, “Why did you ever think-” 

“Because you left, Louis. You walked away and I thought I was doing you a favor by just leaving you alone.” Harry says, sadness evident in his tone.

Louis jumps up, resting his hands on Harry’s shoulders and sitting on his lap. He speaks frantically, running his fingers up and down his arms. “No, no Harry I left because I realized how far gone I was. I thought you didn’t feel the same, so I just ran before I could- uhm, get hurt, I guess?”

Harry just shakes his head and kisses him, wrapping his arms around Louis’ back. “Never gonna hurt you, yeah? Not gonna let that happen again.” 

Louis stares at him for a bit, a gleeful smile on his face as they both take each other in in the moment. “Not gonna let you get hurt either, my Hazza.”

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Harry wakes up the next morning cold, the sheets around him scattered in arbitrary directions across the unmade bed. He frowns as he reaches out next to him in search of warmth and finds the space empty. He freezes, running through the events of the night before in his head again, double checking himself to make sure it wasn’t just a dream. Louis did tell him that he was in love with him, right? Harry opens his eyes, searching around the room and coming up blank. It’s when he moves to sit up and check the bathroom that he sees him.

Louis’ sitting on the edge of the balcony, feet dangling off the side from where they’re squeezed under the white, metal bars they put up to prevent people from doing the exact thing that he is. Harry can’t help but smile at him, zoning out as he watches the boy looking so peaceful. He’s wearing Harry’s flamingo-printed button up from the night before and his sweatshorts, his just barely too long bed head blowing around in the breeze. 

After a little while of Harry watching, Louis backs away from the edge and carefully slides his legs out from under the bars, moving to his feet. Like a child hiding their late-night Nintendo rendezvous from their parents, Harry quickly throws the comforter over him loosely and shuts his eyes. He evens out his breathing as he hears Louis’ footsteps approaching, trying his best to fight the smile that wants to creep onto his face as the bed sinks down next to him and he feels soft lips against his bare shoulder.

Harry bites the inside of his mouth as Louis moves to his cheeks and eventually the small corner of his neck that’s peeking out from under the comforter. When he feels Louis kiss the ticklish spot behind his ear, he breaks, light giggles falling from his lips as a joyful grin spreads across his face. 

“I knew you were awake, you tosser.” Louis teases, shoving Harry’s shoulder from where he lays on his side beside him.

Harry just smiles, turning around to face him. “At first I thought you’d left.”

Louis shakes his head, moving his elbow and falling back on the bed, he and Harry’s noses almost touching as they look into each other’s eyes. “I’m staying as long as you’ll have me.”

“I’m not letting you go.” Harry states boldly, linking their hands. He means it. Louis will never be his mistake ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. :)


End file.
